Gettin’ hitched, part the last

Let us return to a day in the distant past: August 9 in the year two thousand and fourteen.  I had slept poorly due to a late night involving preparations and cake from my friends (delicious!); Sergey had slept poorly because I came to his room around midnight to give him a condolence card, waking him up.  He deserved some sympathy for marrying me, after all.  Despite the little sleep, I woke up fairly early thanks to my nerves and began to get ready.  This entailed thorough facial depilation, which took longer than expected.

I was running late, which not surprisingly caused me to do something quite dumb: attempting to carry my weak hotel coffee out of the bathroom with a handful of other supplies to be packed up.  Oh, and I was wearing my very white dress at that point.  You know what happens next: the coffee sloshes and dribbles down the skirt of my dress, to my absolute horror.  I ran to dab it off with napkins, and thankfully my dress had apparently been weatherproofed (and coffee-proofed) because most of it beaded on the fabric and came off.  But there was still a wet stain on the slip beneath the lace.  Poor Jasmine had to reassure me about ten times that it wasn’t visible before my panic was even slightly alleviated.

After a flurry of hair arrangement and last-minute packing, we were off like a herd of turtles.  We met Sergey, resplendent in his suit, waiting patiently in the hotel lobby for his belated bride, and then sped away to Wilmette in our vanousine.

Once there, it was a series of hugs and greetings.  Uncle Terry handed me my beautiful bouquet and I wrote out the pronunciation of the Russian vow and stuck it between the flowers.  Soon enough, it was time to take our seats onstage and enjoy the program, introduced by the Petersens, with music and readings by various dear friends.  And then came the vows.  I think we got double-married by saying the vows in two languages–that’s how it works, right?

I could give a run-down of the rest of our day, but I’m pretty sleepy, plus this is one of those times when images say it better.  I’m going to now attempt to post the beautiful video Mike put together of the photos he took.  So grab a coffee, put on your white dress, and sit back and enjoy!

Gettin’ hitched, part 4

So, after the flurry of preparations, we headed to the Chicago area–first Sergey, to meet his friend Vadim, and then my parents and me.  Our goal upon arriving in Skokie was to get the marriage license ASAP.  We found the county clerk’s office, an expansive building housing courtrooms and various offices, and after returning our electronics (apparently prohibited) to the van and de-belting for the metal detector, we went inside.  We found our room and joined the line of couples waiting for licenses.  Finally, it was our turn.  The lady behind the counter did not seem to find her job romantic at all as she embarked on a long list of questions apparently designed to determine our capacity for trivia questions, like “Where was your mother born?” and “What is your social security number?”  I guess we passed the test, because we got the license, woohoo!  License to wed!

License to wed!

License to wed!

Soon after that, my parents left, and Sergey and Vadim went to a baseball game to marvel at its slow complexity (they managed to withstand one hour of three), and I waited in the hotel for Dianne to arrive.  Actually, I fell asleep long before she came and accidentally locked her out of the room, but don’t worry, we eventually had our reunion, and then the next day were joined first by Faye and Milly, and then by Addie and Safiyyah (Sadia came a bit later).  And thus began our Mount Holyoke reunion.  Seven sisters, three days, one Windy City.

So what makes it onto the travel itinerary for these womyn?  Let me tell you: a museum honoring social welfare activism (Jane Addams Hull House), a giant ferris wheel–and then fireworks, the Art Institute, an outdoor opera concert, a glass balcony hanging over the city, and more.  As for the tastebud tour of Chicagoan cuisine, our first day together, we indulged in deep dish pizza.  I think I know why this style is mostly constrained to Chicago; Faye gave it the review, “I feel like there is a giant cheese ball sitting in my stomach.”  Vadim, on the other hand, started with cheesecake and moved on to the pizza.  Well, some friends enjoyed the cheese ball effect, but perhaps it is no coincidence that we lunched at a vegan café the next day.

I must say, it’s pretty nifty to have friends who delight in both the swing ride at Navy Pier and in analyzing historical museum displays, who make a surprising beeline for the paperweight collection at the Art Institute and appreciate the tale of Salome as told through the music of Strauss.  I guess that’s why these ladies are my friends and have been for five years.

Reflections: our group visits Cloud Gate, better known as the Bean, in Millennium Park.

Reflections: our group visits Cloud Gate, better known as the Bean, in Millennium Park.

Speaking of the Art Institute, I was disappointed to leave its glowing galleries after only several hours.  Before departing, Sergey and I visited the special exhibit on Magritte together.  Surrealist paintings watched us from the black walls with disconnected body parts juxtaposed with strange objects and nonsensical labels.  Sergey found it all quite disturbing and concluded of Magritte, “This guy was sick.”  Then, I gave Sergey a desperate whirlwind tour, whisking him through all the Impressionist (“It’s nice but blurry”) and Renaissance galleries at a near jog.  Then it was time for us to leave our friends to revel at the artistic treasures as we boarded the train back to Skokie.  There was, apparently, a wedding to prepare for…

Gettin’ hitched, part 3

One of the classic flying machines that frequents the Leonardo da Vinci airport, I assume.

After a day of travels and a stop in the da Vinci airport in Rome, where we breakfasted on the finest pizza and cappuccinos of Italy, Sergey and I arrived in America.

It was remarkable to see the Wisconsin countryside veined with creeks and rivers stretching out beneath our plane in undulating hills of green–so much green after the scrubbiness of Israel!  How was this luxuriance possible?  For Sergey, the landscape reminded him of Moldova.  For me, the amount of space and the cleanliness took some getting used to.  It wasn’t quite reverse culture shock, more like terrain shock.  Why weren’t there any strays using these wide streets as litter boxes?  And there are birds besides sparrows, crows, and pigeons?  Was Target always so super huge?

We had a week and a half to spend with my family in Hometown U.S.A. before heading down to the Chicago area.  While we had a few allocated “fun periods,” much of our time was consumed with final preparations for the wedding.  There were so many important decisions to be made.  For example, after our contact person for our reception location revealed that they had only black tablecloths to offer, which would have been great for a funeral-themed wedding, we had to add that to our Party City list.  It took a surprising amount of effort to settle on the purple tablecloths, probably because Mommy and Sergey spent half the time convincing me that sparkly confetti was an unnecessary addition to our decor.  But…but…sparkles?

Thankfully, the key aspect of our decor, the centerpieces, was decided on before we returned.  I recall back in May feverishly considering various centerpiece options as I scanned records in the office.  Birdcages or feathers to go with the bird theme?  How about feather-coated birdcages holding live singing doves?

Luckily we decided on a more classy alternative: three-tiered stands covered with colorful cupcakes and topped with a spray of flowers, which my uncle generously arranged.  After finding a cute Wilmette bakery called Lawrence Deans online during my initial investigations, I spent the next few months contemplating which flavors of their selection I wanted at the wedding (all of them).  Especially the rose-pistachio ones.  In the end, we ordered a mere 132 cupcakes in 11 flavors, chosen both for their deliciousness and their colors.  You can see the results below.

A dream realized.

A dream realized.

Gettin’ hitched, part 2

As I settled into our new home, there was of course the war being fought.  I got constant updates from my coworkers on the rockets being fired in our general direction, which did not help quell my anxiety at moving, settling, and the eventual hitching.  While I don’t claim I was greatly affected by the war–as of yet, Haifa has remained unscathed–it gave me a taste of the grinding stress of living in a country constantly threatened with violence, and a greater appreciation for my life in the United States, where the majority of our citizens, perhaps unjustly, live untouched by whatever conflict we’re embroiled in.

Actually, one colleague told me that war marriages turn out the best, as she and her husband courted and wed during the conflict of 1991, also in Israel.  (Since her husband was in Sergey’s department, maybe it’s the interdepartmental alliance that does the trick.)

A few days before we were scheduled to leave for the States, a rocket that landed near the Tel Aviv airport prompted first American and then European airlines to stop flying into Israel.

Of the various obstacles we had to overcome to get married, this was not one I had expected.  Would we have to take a transatlantic canoe voyage to attend our own wedding? It seemed like the perfect misalignment of international events, with the rocket hit occurring a week after the Malaysian Airline tragedy, while most airlines were feeling understandable panicky about getting close to war zones.

“Maybe God is trying to save you from me,” mused Sergey.

But I’d rather think of it as God giving us plenty of opportunities to re-examine our choice, asking repeatedly, “Are you sure you want to go through with this?”  And of course we did, answering yes to each question.

Our flight was indeed cancelled.  While this was annoying, it was fair–how could we expect to remain aloof from the conflict roiling to our south?  Plus, on the positive side, it gave us some extra time to unpack our things…and then pack for the trip.

Gettin’ hitched, part one

I am sorry that I have been away for so long.  I really have no excuse except that little one about how I was preparing to get married.   So please blame Sergey.  It’s all his fault!

Let me start back in Haifa with our preparations there.  One of our biggest concerns before leaving was getting a flat where we could live together upon our return.  We were assigned one in French Carmel, which is on the other side of the Bahá’í gardens from Hillel, the street where we used to live.

Our old neighborhood could be called Bahá’ítown, as it seems the majority of staff reside there.  You can’t walk down the street without bumping into at least a few people you know.  It’s nice to have so much community around, but also disconcerting for those who are less used to the “village feel” of everyone knowing everyone.  Also, if by some miracle you don’t see anyone you know, you’ll surely bump into one of the many cats that call Hillel home.  Or one of the cats will bump into you, as happened to me on one of my final nights in my old flat.  There was a kitten, apparently motherless, trying to find a human mommy to latch onto.  I heard her meowing and then felt her butting her soft little head against my ankles.  Goodness.  My heart came very close to melting into a puddle.

They say that the cats were brought to Haifa to eat the rats.  Then the jackals came to eat the cats, and then the boars came to eat the jackals.  I wonder what will come to eat the boars….

Anyway, our new flat is number 26 in a high rise with flat numbers 1 to 26 spread across about eight stories.  So, when we first came to check the flat, we logically went to the top floor.  The flats ended with number 25.

“Great,” I told Sergey.  “I guess we’re living on the roof.”

Luckily we do have an actual flat that is randomly on the second floor, above the grocery store beneath.  We just need to hook up a rope with a bucket at the end to our window, make a hole in the roof of the grocery, and lower it to pick up our food.   Yay for laziness!

Actually, we need to be upright citizens, since both of our bosses live in the building across the street!

Moving our things was anything but lazy, though.  I moved in first and Sergey moved his non-essentials while continuing to live on Hillel.  While I came to Israel with two suitcases, over the past year I had somehow amassed many boxes worth of belongings.  Actually, most of my belongings were a dozen or so houseplants.  I like houseplants.  As decorations go, they are fairly cheap and bring vibrancy and life to interior space, and for apartment dwellers like me who can’t go garden in the street, they offer a special opportunity to practice my green thumb.  Honestly, their only drawback is their awkwardness when a move comes around.  Have you ever tried to wrangle a 10-foot long philodendron into a plastic bag?  Or have you ever stuffed a dozen houseplants into the interstices of luggage in a sedan while Sergey laments, “They will die!  They will die!”?

They did not die.  Once unpacked and released into the new flat, they began to enjoy the new western exposure.  And who wouldn’t?

Sunset over the sea, seen from our flat

Sunset over the sea, seen from our flat

In my week of living there, I found myself transfixed on a daily basis by the inimitable show of the sunset over the Mediterranean.  I would reluctantly break the trance to return to my somewhat obsessive task of scouring every surface in the kitchen first with soap, then bleach, while washing every dish and pan.  (But after Sergey pointed out the dead gnat adhered to the teapot, how could I do otherwise?)

Well, dishwashing seems like an appropriate way to end this episode.  Stay tuned for parts two and three as I get up to speed!

Tranquility

…is something I wish I had these days.

One month until the wedding, and two weeks until Sergey and I hop on a plane to the U.S. of A.  Honestly, I’m not nervous about getting hitched.  Wedding planning is a bit stressful, but I know everything will come together.  It’s the physical trip home that concerns me most right now.  I think my cortisol levels will drop off as soon as I step into the Madison airport with Sergey.

I can’t help noticing that the country where I’m living seems to be at war.  Now, I’ve been a little paranoid about living in Israel since I arrived.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget my friend Seyy’s farewell to me in the common room of MacGregor res hall at Mount Holyoke: “I’m so scared for you.”  After coming, like many new arrivals, I was initially freaked out by the multiple explosions I heard at sunset, which turned out to be fireworks.  On our “Haifa Walk” during orientation, the guide made a point of showing us the pockmarks in a building damaged by shrapnel from the attacks in 2006.   Since then, I’ve been on the alert for sirens, my anxiety not helped by the fact that synagogues use ceremonial sirens to commemorate various events.  Or that the sounds of my downstairs neighbor vacuuming remind me of the blare of tornado sirens back home.  One Saturday morning I was so alarmed by this “air raid siren” that I bolted out of bed into the safe space of the hallway and called Sergey, who inquired what threat vacuum cleaning posed to national security.

Well, my over-consciousness of Israel’s tense position in the Middle East seems to be reaching fruition.  This morning at 3:30 A.M. I heard the real siren for the first time, and, following my vacuum cleaner emergency training, bolted out of bed suddenly wide awake, adrenaline coursing through my veins.  The siren’s mournful wail didn’t last long, and by the time it ended I still hadn’t made up my mind about where exactly to hide.  Fortunately, I’ll probably get more practice with this in the next few weeks.

This all makes me appreciative of the peaceful life I lived back in the States.  Back there, war was always fought across oceans and seas.  The closest I got to experiencing war was through historical novels.  It’s not that life in the U.S. is perfectly safe.  In fact, I bet statistics would show that I am in greater danger of getting shot by a homegrown terrorist from the suburbs with a legally-purchased submachine gun there than I am of getting hit by a Hamas or Hezbollah launched missile here.  And I should note that life in Haifa is actually still quite tranquil.  Long-time residents are, I’m sure, used to situations like this, and people just go on with their lives with a few demonstrations here and there.

Anyway, I’ve asked President Netanyahu and Hamas to hold off on getting too intense until we’re out of here…

The halfway point

The first Holy Day I attended here was the Martyrdom of the Báb, which in 2013 happened in early July.  Currently, it shifts each year according to the lunar calendar, so this year, it happened yesterday.  It seemed to mark my first year here coming full circle as I reach the halfway point in my service.

I recall my earlier wonderment at the crowd of commemorators filling the garden in front of the Haifa Pilgrim House, my surprise at the parasols–coming from the States, I thought people used them only decoratively and to preserve particularly porcelain complexions.  And the heat.  My seat last year, while initially in the shade, was soon overtaken by the noonday sun, making me itch for the circumambulation when I could finally move out of its harsh gaze.

The heat was just as oppressive this year, hitting a high of 95 degrees.  By now, though, I was used to the seating arrangement of rows on rows of pilgrims, visitors, and staff, and knew the wisdom of the parasols and the folding fans.  And we were careful to pick a spot completely in the shade of the pillar-like palm in front of us.  In this place, bits of pollen confetti sprinkled down on us from the trees overhead, burrowing into our hair.

My first year is drawing to its conclusion, and this is the season of farewells, as many of my friends are leaving.  My friend Tahirih de la Republica Dominicana flew home a few days ago.  Shania, who was a senior at Mount Holyoke when I was a meek firstie, is going home.  And half of my orientation group–eighteen staff–depart in the coming days and weeks, including my friends Diana and Todd.  They are all off to new journeys.

Due to all the departures, this has been a week of farewells.  One was quiet and devotional, another was energetic and noisy, but my favorite was last night’s.  It was initially supposed to be a reunion of those in my orientation group who had lived in the faraway land of Leon Blum when we first arrived, but it ended up as a game night between Sergey, Diana, Todd, and me.

First came Scrabble, where I proved the usefulness of that English major.  My winning at Scrabble is how the universe achieves balance with my athletic ineptitude.

Then came Risk–and not just any Risk, but Star Wars Risk. Now, I confess I had never actually played the game before.  I thought I had, but that turned out to be my vague memory of playing Axis and Allies in tenth grade history class.

We cued the dramatic Star Wars soundtrack and then proceeded into a 3.5-hour long battle to conquer the galaxy.  The game works by trying to take over as many planets as possible, and Todd acted like an extraterrestrial real estate agent, describing the notable features of each planet (“Tatooine is kind of like Akka…sandy.”)  I assumed I’d lose since I didn’t have any concept of strategy, but the dice was kind to Sergey and me, and our Rebel Alliance ended up ruling the universe.  Ok, just the galaxy, but still.

I guess I assume I’m going to see all these friends again.  If life here has taught me one thing, it’s that the Bahá’í World is very small–for instance, two youth I knew from Louhelen, where my family lived fourteen years ago by my count, are coming to serve here.  The last time I saw them they were yea tall, and now they’re full-fledged young adults.

In such an oddly tight-knit community, I think it’s inevitable that our paths will cross again.

A day at the beach

The last few weeks have been hectic as Sergey and I nailed down such wedding requirements as invitations, reception location, accommodations, and dress choices (for me, not him).  So we decided to go on a relaxing trip to the beach to recuperate.

Little did Sergey suspect that day at the beach with me is, well, no day at the beach.
 
Actually I was not the only companion–we went with a bunch of IT guys and a few IT ladies to a beach outside of Haifa where the aquamarine of the Mediterranean laps white sands scattered with seashells…and cigarette butts and charcoal, but still, a relatively clean beach.
 
A few months ago, I had dipped my toes into the Mediterranean for the first time in Tel Aviv. It is perhaps a little out of order that I entered the Dead Sea, a three hour drive away, so much sooner than the Mediterranean, which of course borders Haifa, but beaches kind of scare me.  Actually, I have been to a Mediterranean beach before, in Barcelona.  My overall impression of that beach was indeed fear.  I was with my mom and Jasmine, and in our street clothes we felt a bit overdressed in the midst of what we realized was a topless beach.  It was nothing I hadn’t seen before in art class, but…
 
 
Back to our present beach. Now, my ideal beach activity would involve lounging in the shade of a parasol with a good book, the soothing sounds of the waves in the background.  Some people, however, prefer actually entering the water.
 
Not me.
 
I have a deep distrust of any open water between the size of large puddles and the Pacific.  I think this arose from several mildly traumatic incidents.  The first happened when I was a toddler and my swim instructor forgot to put floaties on me.  Following his instructions–which I remember as him goading, “Don’t be a scaredy cat!”–I obediently proceeded to step underwater and came up having swallowed enough chlorine to bleach my insides clean.  He was very apologetic.  Besides that, there were the books and movies involving watery graves–Moby-Dick, Life of Pi, Titanic.  Then there was the incident when, in my senior year at Mount Holyoke, I capsized a canoe, resulting in the loss of my spectacles and my dignity.  And the latest and greatest, the escapade in which Jasmine and I almost floated over to Jordan on the Dead Sea.  I still have the scars.
 
So, I argue that I am neither a coward nor a scaredy cat.  I am simply more aware of the dangers of water than are others.
 
To compound these concerns, I was feeling genuinely sick, and unfortunately the seaside vendors seemed to only be hawking tiny kidneys–or at least that’s what the local snack appears to be–instead of ibuprofen or acetaminophen.
 
I started out with “I will walk in the surf.”  I enjoy the nonthreatening whoosh of foam around my toes.  Then Sergey convinced me to actually go inside the water.
 
There were two sides to this beach.  One had some sort of breakwater that kept all the waves out; this is where most of the kids were.  And that was the only side I would even consider entering.  I waded in slowly, whining about the cold water, which was actually pretty warm.  I swam a little in the midst of the happy children and their floaty toys.
 
Then Sergey decided to push his luck and induced me to come into the side with waves.  Small waves, but still, waves.  I demanded he hang on to me–“Don’t you dare let go!”–and we rode the waves up and down a little.  Then I demanded he release me when I started to fear we were in too deep–“Let go of me NOW!”  (Don’t worry, I could still touch bottom.)
 
Once I had gone through my odyssey, I could finally exit the water and do what I had come for: lie down, put on a sunhat and apply multiple coats of sunscreen, and read my book while daydreaming about painkillers.

I’m engaged

 

Dear readers,

This is just to say, I am affianced to Sergey.

I’ve been saving my 50th post for this!

Bahá’í engagement means that not only have we decided that we want to get hitched, but our parents are on the same page.  Thank you, parents!  See my parents’ creative Naw-Rúz present to us below:

Layli's 1st Naw-Ruz 1992 Layli's 23rd Naw-Ruz 2014

Most of you already know the story, but for those who don’t, here’s a little info lifted from my “Why Sergey” essay.

 

When Layli met SergeyOn July 5, 2013, I stepped off the airplane into the Holy Land. After getting through immigration, I was welcomed by my contact person from the BWC. There were a number of contact people there, including Sergey, who was there to pick up two of my orientation mates, Elika and Bahman. I was too tired and disoriented to make much conversation, but a photo Bahman sent, showing the three of us posing together at the train terminal, evidences at least some interaction. Through my daze on the train to Haifa, I listened to the conversation around me (how were these people so lucid?); Sergey said that he had not yet been to the beach. That lack of enthusiasm for beaches told me we were soulmates.

Just kidding. It actually took me a number of months—four, to be precise—to realize my attraction to Sergey. I didn’t see him much in the course of a week; an archival assistant has little professional reason to interact with an IT project manager. But, as luck would have it, we were both taking a Farsi class with my coworker Farideh. I would usually arrive a few minutes early; Sergey would usually arrive a few minutes late. (He claims that I always reserved a special smile for him upon his tardy entry.) Whereas I am a very quiet student, dutifully taking notes and asking the occasional question, he would ask loads of questions, gesticulating energetically, and remark upon the connections between the apparently infinite languages he knew—Russian, Romanian, Hebrew, German, English. Fortunately, neither of us had a knack for Farsi, or perhaps he would have found my stumbling attempts to speak the language more off-putting than charming; he seemed quite inspired by my small successes, congratulating me with a “Very good!” Occasionally, when I had given a response, I would feel like Sergey was looking at me a bit too long, but then figured it was just because I was in his direct line of vision.

Then, one day, everything changed. The occasion was the Birth of the Báb, celebrated on 5 November. After the program and circumambulation had ended, I found myself in the midst of the crowd that gathered to socialize in the small space in front of the pilgrim house. Feeling claustrophobic, I moved to the periphery, where I saw Sergey, apparently also alone. We greeted each other; I inquired after his Farsi studies. “I don’t like big crowds,” I commented. “Me neither, I would rather be somewhere above the crowd, maybe a roof, where I could watch,” he said. (Soulmates.) Then he invited me to join him and his friend Vafa for falafels. If I ever write a children’s book, I think it will be called Vafa Awfully Wants a Falafel. Although I usually abstain from crashing other people’s plans and from unforeseen falafel outings, I said sure, since I needed to head that direction anyway to find a replacement watch battery. It is important to note that I had been suffering greatly for the past week since my watch had died, leaving my wrist naked and me tardy.

So, Vafa, Sergey’s friend from Ukraine, led us to a small falafel shop in the Hadar district, the kind with mirrors above the slim counter so you can watch yourself spill pickles and drip tahini. Or at least that’s what I did. Afterwards, Sergey insisted on paying for my sandwich in a chivalrous move that I came to realize is a deep-seated part of his character. At that point, I was ready to set off after the battery and leave Sergey and Vafa alone, but instead Vafa left, and Sergey insisted he would help me. “This is my new mission,” Sergey said. “And I don’t give up until it’s accomplished. Plus, it’s for the sake of the BWC, since your office needs you to be punctual.”

For some reason, nearly all the watch stores were closed, and all the stores selling batteries didn’t have the cell I needed. (I can’t help but wonder if perhaps that was providential, as it gave us a reason to spend more time together.) After nearly an hour, when the sun had set, I was ready to call it quits. But Sergey told me not to give up so easily—there was one last store. I was skeptical. It was a hardware store with big things like tires and tools. But he insisted, and lo and behold, in a tiny set of drawers on the counter, we found the right battery. Sergey put it in my watch, and to my elation, it started ticking!

Over six months later, and five months since we made our “character investigation” official, my watch is still ticking away, leading us closer to our eternal union.

IMG_4394

Mother’s Day

Today is Mother’s Day.   So, in honor of one of my most dedicated readers:

Mommy holding me in front of the Lorax mural she painted.

Mommy holding me in front of the Lorax mural she painted.

Here you are with me and this mural

both at least partially your creations.

 

You must have been so patient,

finding the inspiration,

sketching the composition,

then painting so neatly

until the magical landscape encircled us.

 

When I think of you, I think of you making:

collages, frames, food, family,

the bright birds from gourds and beads,

your mind winging baroque whimsies.

Mother: creator.

To Mommy, across the seas.